Sunday, October 18, 2009

incompetence

i have no confidence.

i have no faith.

it's not others who are shooting down my ideas.

it's me who's shooting them down.

i'm at a loss.

i feel incompetent.

it's time to buck up.

research as much as i can to make up for the incompetencies.

i wish there's someone who can understand how i feel.

i know that i have loved you ... at 8:02 PM
fate crumbled all around 2 identities

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

i used to think that most would have already forgotten me. after all, it's been more than a year, and many groups visit them. but they haven't. they asked about me, they still think about me. forgive me for ever thinking otherwise and know that i've been missing everyone of them too and i can't wait to return to UNACAS, a place full of angels who have captured my heart.

my friends; till the day we meet again.

i know that i have loved you ... at 9:49 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

Saturday, September 19, 2009

sick of these

i hate it when there is not a single word of praise no matter how well i do. all you only do is talk about how i can't probably make it in university and how poly is so much easier. it may seem easy to you but i worked really hard to be where i am today. it's not fantastic indeed but at least when i ask myself, i can say that i have really done my best. yes, i may procrastinate but i always make sure my work is of my best before submitting and i always submit on time. what do you have to say about that?

i hate it most when you judge my friends. how much do you really know about them? where were you all when i was down and out? at that point of time, when you all knew, the way you all said it, it's like serve me right in the first place. do you know how that feels? and so many other things that people have done for me but you refuse to see. you choose to see only the bad, the times when they weren't around. but what about when they were around? when they helped me so much, helped me stand up strong again? what about those times?

i know that i have loved you ... at 9:57 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

Monday, September 14, 2009

overwhelmed

holidays have come to an end. time to get to work. it's such a joke. either i'm totally free with nothing better to do or everything starts piling up at a go and i'm overwhelmed with all the work that needs to be done.

internship is approaching soon. i feel incompetent. i'm freaked out. my project, i just might not be up to the task.

negativity is setting in. my mind is a whirl of thoughts. my heart is a whirl of emotions. not just work, so many things.

a choice made over two years ago. was it really the right one? what would the alternative be? would it have been better? would i be less tormented than i am now? would i have been better able to let go? after all these years, i still have many unasked questions. is it really important to know the truth after so long?

sometimes i have no idea where i'm heading, who i am.

i know that i have loved you ... at 9:29 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

Saturday, September 12, 2009

time traveller's wife

time traveller's wife with geraldine was nice! movie was good! company was even better! :DD once again, i prefer the book to the movie but the movie was still nice. the essence of the book was captured for sure. although, the book is much preferable because there is only so much that can be shown in a 2 hours movie.

had a suprise when i reached home. a letter from my dearest yiwen! ♥ it's really sweet to recieve snail mail. though it's kind of slow but hand written things are sweet. it made my day much much better!

hotmail is screwed up and i'm so fed up since i need access to my mails. this is so irritating. not forgetting that blogger is screwed up too.

weird thing was that i took the wrong train today and when i switched to the correct one i saw someone that looked so much like you. i think people are getting tired of me about this. even i'm getting tired of myself. sighs

i know that i have loved you ... at 12:24 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

YAY to happy days!

breakfast with angeline! :DD i had to practically crawl out of my bed though. my biological clock is so screwed. i wanted to sleep earlier so i could wake up in time. in the end, i slept at 1 but tossed and turned all the way till 4. i was so tempted to cancel. but meeting her is so rare (hint hint) that i don't know when i'll meet her if i cancel. it was short but infinitely nice! :D

dinner with my brother and his friends. it was seriously awkward for me at first but in the end it was fun. :D an attempt to celebrate my brother and serene's birthday but eventually they didn't even know their birthdays were being celebrated. :x escorted serene home :DDD and home sweet home with my brother. he is ♥! serene is ♥ too!

i realised that it's not your fault. it probably never was after it all ended. blame it on me. blame it on my inability to let go. i really believed that i had already let go. you hardly came to my mind. but why did a simple question spark off these thoughts of confusion. so much sadness. so much pain. it's time to end it all. no more reading between the lines or reading too deep into the stuff. just no more before i lose my mind. 2 years going to 3. it has got to stop

i know that i have loved you ... at 10:53 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

nostalgia

as i was sorting through my photos to give ying peng, waves of nostalgia hit. it's weird looking at some of the photos after all these while. some photos brought smiles to my face while others brought with it pangs of sadness. at first, i felt a deep sense of regret over some of the choices i made. but then, i told myself not to feel this way. with every choice made, there is always an alternative. no one knows what the alternative will hold. no one knows the alternative will be better. my decisions were made for a reason and it sparked off a chain of events, a unique course. i'm where i am because of the choices made and if you were to ask if i regret where i am today. i would say no. so i probably shouldn't regret the previous choices made because i may not be where i am today.

some random facts about the photos:

1. weiwen was probably poisoned by the cake i baked :x

2. i do miss my guiding days

3. people come and people go

4. two remained my special friends from sec 1 till now and i love them for that ♥

5. three from sec 3 till now ♥

7. i miss my secondary school days so so much.

i realised that doubt is a poison, a dangerous poison that threatens all my relationships with people. the thing is, i don't understand why i find it so hard to believe in myself and my friendships with people. but i'm learning to believe (:

i know that i have loved you ... at 12:45 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

Monday, September 07, 2009

great day!

internship meeting in the morning. it went well! though i wish the holidays will never ever end and i'm lazy to start internship. but if i were to start, i guess i won't mind it so much. it seems to be a great environment to intern in. :D what's more, got all the mischievous children. it's gonna be a great fun. what's more, there will be loads to learn and experience to be gained, like working with the elderly. it's also be nice working alongside fas! YAY! :D i'm getting a little excited talking about it but i seriously don't want my holidays to end yet!

met up with my qing ai de, IRENE! :D watched G-Force with her. it was seriously cute, funny and nice! it's super funny to see them outsmart the FBI in the show. and the suddent twist at the end of the movie was so unexpected! thank you irene for the free movie ticket! guiltily, i was super lazy and didn't exactly want to walk about JP so we actually sat at the benches and talked till it was 5. quality time indeed! <3

i love irene! :D

i realised how messed up i really am when it comes to you.

i know that i have loved you ... at 10:47 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

hail my brother!

hail my brother; the cockroach slayer! HAHA! it's kind of funny to see him jumping back when the cockroach seems to be coming towards him. what's more, after he disposed the cockroach, he started shifting his stuff and hitting his bed to check if there were anymore. it's like totally paranoid.

i'm going to accumulate bad karma laughing at him. since i'll probably do the same if it was in my room. oops.

i know that i have loved you ... at 12:02 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

Sunday, September 06, 2009

a thorn

i thought i had laid the matter to rest in my heart. but maybe i'm not as good as a person as my brother. when i first heard about it, i felt anger. then, i felt disappointment. but now, i feel a bubble of dislike rising within me.

to me, those were accusations were unfounded. they were baseless. worse still, they should not be publicised. it's heartbreaking how each event would set off a chain of ugly events that would evenutally tear us all apart.

we are all self righteous. we think we're right and others are wrong. who knows, i might be wrong too. i see only what my heart wants me to see and the same goes for many. but i am rooted firmly in my beliefs. and i firmly believe it's not true. because i saw how much it hurt them too. each and everyone of them.

i don't understand why i'm crying as i write this. it just feels like something is piercing through my heart.

i know that i have loved you ... at 3:39 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

brighter

dinner with tecky. guess the sketch with angeline.

it's always the little things in life that really matters. no time is better spent than being with loved ones. even if it's just for a short while. even if we're separated by a screen.

my mudane day was brightened by a stick and an angel! plus a dosage of cuteness at the start of the day (:

i know that i have loved you ... at 1:22 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

Saturday, September 05, 2009

heart vs mind

it's weird how easy you send my mind into a whirl. how you seem to change my mood in just a split second. i feel a type of hollowness. my stomach hurts. there seems to be a stone in my heart. i'm not smiling as i was awhile ago. i'm at a loss of words. what's the point? what's the point really? my heart and mind aren't in sync. no matter what choice i make, there always seems to an alternative and the fact remains that i would never know the alternative. would it be for the better or for the worse?

the heart or the mind?

i know that i have loved you ... at 1:08 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities